People can certainly go, but they do not leave. There is a difference in that.
Life goes on, times move ahead and mornings get brighter again. But, nothing stops the void that you feel when a thought strikes you. It has been two years that you haven’t been with us anymore. I will always miss how I wasn’t able to convey all the love that my heart held for you in the 20 years that I got to live with you. Your demise has taught me one thing. I have realised the importance of not taking people for granted. It has also changed the way I loved people. No, am not blaming you, you did that to me for the good. After I lost you, I realised how necessary it was to love people while you have them. It taught me the fear of not knowing when it is the last time that you have somebody.
After you went away, I would try writing about the things I had to say, I would try to rest on the stories that you used to tell me, I tried to talk to your photographs. But, I still had the remains of how you will never know all of it. Wherever you are, you will only remember the part that I gave to you, you will never know of what my heart held for you.
In all honesty, I wish I had known that I won’t have you forever. I wish there had been a way to let you know. After all of this, I changed the way I would be with the people I love. I always felt the need to keep telling them what they mean to me. I always wanted to go the extra mile to do things for them. I wanted to show them they mattered. No matter how much time I spent with someone, I would never let them feel that importance sink in and to be kept on hold. I always wanted to state that each relationship that I truly adhered to, meant a lot for me. I never wanted to experience the fear of again not knowing the last time that I could be with someone. But, in the midst of all of it, I forgot, I forgot that it was all inside me. All that I felt wasn’t couldn’t be held. I forgot that the people I so dearly wanted to hold onto, were similar like the earlier versions of mine who would never know. They will never know why I wanted to love people so much. There are a few things that remain etched in your heart. I promise to hold all the love I had to give. Just the way I was, people will never know why I feel the need to do this. All the love that I have held, all that I have to give, I will have a hope in my heart that someday, when am not there to reach out, my absence will let them now.
I wish nobody gets to it as late as I did for you. I wish there was a way to let your heart know. I wish people understood that someone can love you desperately with their feelings and still might at times, not understand how to correctly love you with their actions that seem acceptable to you. In such times, I only wish there was communication, patience and a will to let this love be.